Physical

Some victims have physical symptoms, such as sleep disturbances, headaches, urinary tract infections, nausea and stomachaches.  You may also experience a loss in appetite or an avoidance of certain foods.  You may find that it is very difficult to concentrate on routine activities. You may also experience changes in your sexuality, such as a loss of interest in sex or avoidance of sexual situations. 

It is critical you maintain your physical health by following up with your personal physician or health care provider for additional STI testing and HIV testing.

Emotional

Initially, most sexual assault victims react with shock and disbelief. You may feel numb and dazed, withdrawn and distant from other people. You may want to forget about what happened and avoid people or situations that remind you of the assault.  There may also be periods when you are preoccupied with thoughts and feelings about the assault.

Many survivors experience intense emotions in the aftermath of a sexual assault. At times, you may feel angry. Your anger may be displaced at innocent targets or redirected at yourself.  You may also feel anxious or depressed. You may have unwanted memories or flashbacks and nightmares. When you think about what happened, you may reexperience some of the sensations and feelings you had during the assault, such as fear and powerlessness.

Cognitive

Feelings of guilt and shame are also frequent reactions.  Because of misconceptions about rape, victims may blame themselves, doubt their own judgment, or wonder if they were in some way responsible for the assault.  Feelings of guilt and self-blame may be reinforced by the reactions of others, who, because of prevalent myths about rape, may blame the victim or criticize his or her behavior.  You may also feel ashamed.  Some victims describe feeling dirty, devalued, and humiliated as a result of a sexual assault. Feelings of shame are sometimes a reaction to being forced by the assailant to participate in the crime.

Social

Fears about personal safety are an almost universal response to a sexual assault. Survivors often become fearful in situations and places where they were never frightened before. In many sexual assault situations, the victim feels powerless and/or terrified of being killed or seriously harmed. Afterwards, you may continue to feel frightened and vulnerable for a while.

In an effort to feel control, survivors may make drastic changes in their lifestyle such as quitting a job or changing their physical appearance. You may find yourself avoiding social situations, terminating friendships, and isolating yourself.

When Will I Feel Normal? Get Support From Other People About Counseling What Is a Secondary Survivor? How To Help a Loved One

When Will I Feel “Normal”?

There is no right or wrong way to feel following a sexual assault.  Although sexual assault affects you in many ways, it is important to remember it does not define you.  Although many victims experience similar reactions, there are still individual differences in how they heal from the trauma of rape. Certain situations, such as seeing the assailant or testifying in court, may cause setbacks during a period in your life in which you have been feeling better.

Get Support From Other People

Most survivors will tell you it helps to have a support system.  Utilize your support system and talk about your experiences with someone you trust. Talking with a victim advocate can be very helpful. An advocate can provide support, as well as valuable information on the medical and legal systems, and what to expect. It is also helpful to seek counseling. A therapist can help you work through the trauma of sexual assault and help you move forward. A support group will allow you to share experiences with other survivors, who truly understand what you are going through. It also can be helpful to talk about your reactions with friends and family members who are supportive and understanding.

About Counseling

Many sexual assault victims find that therapy is a healing and empowering experience. A professional counselor can support you in your recovery from the trauma of a sexual assault.

A person trained to assist sexual assault victims will understand the unique concerns you have and know ways to help you cope with the physical and emotional effects of the assault. A counselor can also help you deal with the reactions of family members and friends.  Your local rape crisis center can assist you in locating a counseling center near you.

What Is a Secondary Survivor?

You are a secondary survivor if a friend, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, mother, sister, child, or anyone you are very close to is a survivor of sexual assault or physical or emotional abuse. It does not matter if you knew this person when the assault or abuse happened-or even if you knew them and did not know about the assault until much later.

Survivors of rape, incest, and/or abuse will usually tell a friend or significant other with whom they feel safe and comfortable. The survivor may tell many people before feeling comfortable enough to talk to a professional. Remember-even if the assault or abuse happened a long time ago, you could be the first person they have told and your reaction can have a big impact on the rest of the recovery process. The following are common initial reactions to learning of the sexual assault:

Anger - There is sometimes a tendency to blame the victim for the assault. This may be due to a belief in myths, such as women "ask for it" or that rape is primarily a sexual act rather than a violent crime. A friend or family member may express anger at you although they know intellectually that it was not your fault. Anger may also be directed at the assailant. People who are close to you may feel it is their duty to seek revenge.

Guilt - Some people close to you may blame themselves, thinking they could have done something to protect you. This is particularly true of partners or parents. Even young children experience guilt. Children close to you may understand more than you think. Not telling them doesn't mean they aren't aware.

Fear - Someone close to you may suddenly feel very vulnerable; they are facing the fact that this could happen to them also.

Embarrassment - It may be embarrassing for them to have to explain and to answer questions from acquaintances. It may even be embarrassing for them to hear about the assault.

Confusion - They may not know how to help. They may not have a clear idea of what rape is and how it affects people.

Rejection - You may not be able to handle close relationships. Intimate relationships, particularly, may scare you or be difficult. Boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, or friends may feel shut out.

Most significant others, after their initial shock and anger, become supportive. As the reality of the assault begins to sink in, most family and friends are able to shift their focus from their own pain, to your experience. They can be a tremendous source of support and encouragement in the healing process.

How to Help a Loved One Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

Whether you are a parent, friend, spouse, partner, or other family member, you can be a pivotal force in your loved one's recovery from sexual assault.  Here are some positive suggestions for helping a survivor:

• Tell her/him you believe them.
• Tell her/him it was not their fault, no matter the circumstances.
• Give your loved one an opportunity to talk.  If s/he is not ready to discuss what happened or how s/he's feeling, tell her/him it's okay and reassure her/him you are available when s/he's ready.
• Let her/him know you are sorry this happened to her/him.
• It is normal to feel angry--really angry-- that someone violated and hurt your loved one.  However, please do not express your anger directly to the survivor.  This shifts the focus away from your loved one and can result in her/his feeling s/he cannot talk to you for fear of upsetting you.
• Sexual assault is about taking away the victim's personal power and control, so encourage the survivor to make all decisions relevant to her/his life--this will help her/him feel in control again. 
• Do not accuse or judge your loved one with such questions as: "Why were you there?" or "Why didn't you scream or run?" "Why" questions convey judgment, promote guilty feelings, and lead her/him to feel you do not believe her/him.
• Listen, Listen, Listen  
• Focus on the survivor's feelings, not on actual facts about the assault.
• Encourage the survivor to see a doctor, as there are many medical concerns related to sexual assault.
• Gently encourage the survivor to report the assault to law enforcement, but respect her/his decision not to report if this is her/his response.
• If you are her/his partner, do not pressure her/him for sex. The survivor needs to be the one to decide when to resume sexual relations, as this helps the survivor regain control and resist feelings of guilt.
• Although it may be difficult, try not to over-protect your loved one.
• Be supportive. This means helping her/him build self-confidence.
• Do not make excessive attempts to occupy her/his time and "keep her/his mind off it". This only makes the survivor feel that the assault is "in the past" and should be forgotten.