- One in four girls and 1 in six boys will be a victim of sexual violence before the age of 18.
- Teens are twice as likely to be victimized as adults.
- 1.65 million American teenagers were victims of violent crime in 2002.
- Each year an estimated 4000 incidents of rape or other types of sexual assault occur in public schools across the country.
- 8 out of 10 teenagers are assaulted by someone they know.
Sexual assault is any sexual penetration without your permission or consent. Sexual penetration refers to vaginal, oral and anal intercourse. This can include touching or penetrating the vagina, mouth, or anus of the victim; touching the penis of the victim; or forcing the victim to touch the attacker's vagina, penis, or anus. Touching can mean with a hand, finger, mouth, penis, or just about anything else, including objects. It can occur between any two people, with or without force, at any time, and at any place.
Force can be physical, like hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or using a gun, knife, or any other weapon. It can be verbal, making threats like “if you don’t something worse will happen.” Force can be emotional, refusing to take “no” for an answer or saying “you would if you really loved me.” Force can be taking advantage of someone who is drunk, high, on drugs, passed out, too young or asleep. Force can also involve a group of people ganging up on someone.
What is Date or Acquaintance Rape?
Date rape or acquaintance rape is the name given to a sexual assault where the victim knows the attacker: a friend, date, acquaintance, or boy/girlfriend. Dating or being sexually involved with someone does not ever give anyone the right to force you to have sexual contact when you don't want to. Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to say "NO" at any time. You are also allowed to change your mind at any time.
- No one asks to be raped.
- It does not matter what a person wears or how a person acts.
- It doesn’t matter if a person has had sex in the past.
- It doesn’t matter if a person said “yes” and then changes their mind.
- A person has the right to say no at any time for any time for any reason.
How Do I Know If “Yes” Means “Yes?”
If you’re not 100% sure, ask questions. Ask yourself and the person you’re with if this is what you both really want. Make sure you listen to the other person. Make sure nobody feels pressured and both people have said “yes.”
(www.austin-safeplace.org)
- Consent means to give your permission by saying “yes.”
- Consent is based on choice.
- Consent is active not passive.
- Consent is possible only when there is equal power.
- Giving in because of fear is not consent.
- Deception or manipulation eliminates the possibility of consent.
- If you can’t say “no” comfortably, then “yes” has no meaning.
- Giggling, changing the subject, or squirming away does not communicate a “yes” or a “no”
- If someone says “Wait,” “Maybe” or “I’m not sure” – STOP!
- If you’re being told “Wait,” “Maybe” or “I’m not sure” – LISTEN!
- If the other person tries to push you away or suddenly seems different – STOP!
- If the other person is under the influence or passed out – STOP!
- If the other person isn’t sure… if you’re not sure – DON’T DO ANYTHING ELSE! STOP!
- Ask questions. Make sure you understand what the other person means!
(Domestic Violence Advocacy Program of Family Resources Incorporated)
- Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a new person.
- Before leaving on a date, know the exact plans for the evening and make sure a parent or friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home. Let your date know that you are expected to call or tell that person when you get in.
- Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
- If you leave a party with someone you do not know well, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom. Ask a friend to call and make sure you arrived home safely.
- Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships.
- Trust your instincts. If a situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of a way to remove yourself from the situation.
When at a party, always pour your own beverages and keep them within sight. Date rape drugs can be put in drinks and are often undetectable. These drugs can induce a loss of muscle control and consciousness. They also affect memory.
Meet a date in a public place or stay around others. Avoid isolation and darkness, especially at the beginning of a new relationship.
Tell someone about the date, where it will take place, and what time it will end. Take a cell phone along if possible and leave the number with someone who can call if he or she gets worried.
Go to parties with a buddy and look after each other. Always have a way home.
Realize it's ok to say "No.” Say "Yes" when you mean "Yes.” Stay in touch with your feelings to know the difference.
Trust your instincts. If a place or the way your date acts makes you nervous or uneasy, get out.
Always carry enough money so that you can leave a situation if necessary.
- Avoid drugs and alcohol. These can lead to sexual aggression and reduced ability to respond respectfully to a date.
- Accept that "no" means "no." If a girl says "no" and a boy continues to force intercourse, it is rape. This is true even if he spends a lot of money on his date, she is dressed suggestively, or she is drunk. It is rape even if the couple has been dating for a long time or she agreed to sex before.
- Let a woman know you will respect her choices before it is necessary for her to tell you.
- Listen to your date. If she says "No," believe her. If you are not sure, ask clearly and don't see it as a challenge.
- It is never okay to force yourself on anyone.
- Realize you do not have the right to dominate your date.
- Don't assume you and your date want the same degree of intimacy.
- D on't assume spending money on a date entitles you to sexual favors.
- Don't feel that as a male you are "expected to perform.”
(from the National Center for Victims of Crime)
Sexual harassment is any unwelcome sexual advances, requests
for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature. Sexual harassment can take many forms including:
- Physical contact, like grabbing, pinching, touching your breast or butt or other body parts, or kissing you against your will;
- Sexual comments, like name-calling (slut, whore, fag), starting rumors about you, making sexual jokes at your expense, or making sexual gestures at or about you;
- Sexual propositions, like asking you for sex or repeatedly asking you out when you have said no;
- Unwanted communication, like phone calls, letters, or e-mails. These can be mean, nasty, or threatening, or they can seem flattering or nice but still make you uncomfortable.
Both the harasser and the victim can be either male or female, and they do not have to be the opposite sex. The harasser can be another teenager or an adult.
Some flirting between kids is normal and healthy, but sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between flirting and sexual harassment. The lists below can help you figure it out. (NOTE: An adult flirting with a kid is NEVER normal or ok.)
Flirting |
Sexual Harassment |
Flirting is welcome attention. |
Sexual harassment is not wanted. |
Flirting goes both ways. |
Sexual harassment is one-sided. |
Flirting makes you feel flattered or attractive. |
Sexual harassment makes you feel put down or ugly. |
Flirting makes you feel in control. |
Sexual harassment makes you feel powerless. |
Flirting makes you feel good about yourself. |
Sexual harassment makes you feel bad or dirty. |
Flirting is legal in school. |
Sexual harassment is a violation of school rules. |
If you think you are flirting with someone, but they do not respond the way you want them to, consider this...
- If the person does not seem happy with your attention,
- If you flirt but they do not flirt back,
- If you make a sexual joke and they do not laugh,
- If the person seems to be avoiding you...
...you might be making them uncomfortable. The bottom line is that if the person receiving your sexual or romantic attention doesn't want it and you continue, that's harassment and you should stop it.
If you are a victim of sexual harassment, you might...
- Feel angry, embarrassed, frustrated, scared, or depressed
- Feel helpless to stop the harassment
- Feel hopeless that anything can be done
- Not feel good about yourself
- Fear that your reputation will be destroyed
- Go out of your way to avoid the harasser(s)
- Experience headaches, stomach aches, or sleeping or eating problems because of the stress caused by the harassment
- 81 percent of students will experience some form of sexual harassment at some time while they are in school, with 27 percent experiencing it often.
- 85 percent of students report that students harass other students at their schools.
- Almost 40 percent of students report that teachers and other school employees sexually harass students in their schools.
Because "sexual harassment" is a term that can describe many different behaviors, the kind of help available to you may differ, depending on exactly what the person harassing you has done. In many cases, the harassment will probably not constitute a crime, but rather a violation of school rules (especially if there is no touching involved and no threats have been made). This means that it will be handled through school administration rather than the criminal justice system (police, court, etc.) In such a case, you can begin by following the steps outlined below.
- Tell the person harassing you that their behavior makes you uncomfortable and you want them to stop. You can do this face-to-face or in writing. If you write them a letter, save a copy of it for yourself. In some cases, this will be enough to stop the behavior. (If you don't feel comfortable doing this by yourself, you can ask a friend or an adult for help. Or just skip this step and begin with the next one.)
- If the person doesn't stop when you ask them to, get a copy of your school's sexual harassment policy. By law, the school has to have one. The policy will tell you who to report to and how to do it. It can also help you understand what behaviors are considered harassment.
- Report the harassment to the appropriate person in your school, and/or tell a parent.
- If the harassment doesn't stop, keep a journal documenting each incident. Write down what happened, when and where it happened, whether there were any witnesses (and their names if you know them), how it made you feel, and how you responded. Then take this documentation to school administrators and ask them to take action to stop the harassment.
- Be persistent. If the first person you tell doesn't take you seriously, keep telling someone in authority until something is done about it. The school's policy should indicate the "chain of command" your complaint should go through. (For example, if the person the school has assigned to handle sexual harassment complaints doesn't take action, you may need to go to the principal, and if the principal also does not respond, you might next go to the superintendent. See your school's policy for details.)
- If the school administration does not stop the harassment, you may wish to consult an attorney. If you don't know who to call, you can contact the 1-800-FYI-CALL for a referral. You can also contact the Nevada Coalition Against Sexual Violence at 702-940-2033 or your local rape crisis center.
Certain behaviors that are sometimes part of a pattern of sexual harassment are, in fact, crimes. These can include threats, assault (such as a push, shove, punch, or kick), stalking (when a person's pattern of behavior makes you fear for your safety), sexual assault (when someone forces you into a sexual act), and property crime (when someone takes, vandalizes, or destroys a possession of yours). Criminal law varies from state to state, so it is impossible to give exact definitions of these crimes here. If you are confused or unsure about your own case, you can call 1-800-FYI-CALL, and a crime victim advocate can help you sort out whether what happened to you was a crime and what you can do about it. You can also contact your local police department through their non-emergency line.
If you see harassment happening in your school, you can help put a stop to it.
- Refuse to join in.
- If you feel safe doing so, step in and interrupt the harassment.
- Tell an adult you trust. Don't be a bystander.
- Talk to the person being harassed and try to get them to talk to an adult. Offer to go with them.
From the National Center for Victims of Crime
2000 MM Street NW, Suite 480
Washington , D.C. 20036
The information in this table and parts of the definition above come from the Texas Alliance Against Sexual Assault's STARS program (Students Taking Action for Respect.) For more information see visit their website.
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